Getting To The Bottom Of It

From http://www.flickr.com/photos/30057378@N02/2814862062/

So, in discovering what are the best and worst crisps around, we will be rating them on several criteria. They are:

- Crunch: Obviously. Did you even read the blog name?! Basically how satisfying they are to bite into and the accompanying beautiful sound it makes. I feel all tingly and shit already at the thought of it.

- Flavour: This is an obvious one. Do they taste like shite or do they make your mouth water at the mere thought of them? We will be going for variety here folks. No taste will be left untasted. None. We are dedicated. We are determined. We are ready.

- Aftertaste: This is an under-appreciated category. Sure, the crisp tastes great. But if all you can taste in your mouth for the next 4 hours is some mix of dirty prawn and cheese, you won't be a happy chap now will you? No. Didn't think so. So we will be sure to include info on what lingering taste will lodge inside of your mouth after ingesting said crisps.

- Odour: This is surprisingly important. Sometimes the crisps smell better than they taste. And sometimes they smell rank. We will warn you of the possible perils or delights that you risk by opening that fresh bag of crisps. Pregnant women and odour aficionados should love this section the best.

- Appearance: Does it look like a turd but taste like a treat? Houston, we have a problem. Here we will be discussing the appearance of the crisps and compare them to household objects and odd paraphernalia they may vaguely resemble. Expect it to get dirty quick. We are sick people here at the Crunch.

- Packaging: Does the packaging burn your retinas? Do you want to eat the bag? Do you look at the bag and wonder when was the last time they redesigned that shiz? Or does it look well good? We will tell you. And you will believe us. Because we're experts.

- Price: This is how much your new obsession will hit you in the pants. I mean wallet. While this is sometimes uniform, and there's always some sort of running promotion or sale on crisps, we will be sure to let you know how deep you'll have to dig into your piggy bank before you go to the shop. Nothing like being 5p and a bag of sensual crisps short. Being short is pretty shit in general, imagine being short and not having any crisps!

There you have it. Of course, the reviews will be accompanied by multiple second-class images of the crisps and their associated packaging, with the possibility of our smug mugs included while nomming the crisps. You've been warned. Let the reviews begin!